Bad News about Lindsay

Lindsay called this evening with some bad news.

Let me fill you in about her doc appointment on Friday though. She had an appointment on Friday and everthing seemed good. The baby was really moving around and they couldn't get it sit still long enough to get it's heartbeat, but didn't think much of it b/c it was moving around.

Well, apparently Lindsay got really sick over the weekend. She didn't give me any specifics, but just said really sick. I don't think she was spotting even. She called the doc today and went in. (Not sure why she went to OBGYN for sickness, but anyway). When she went in they did an ultrasound and the baby was curled in a little ball and not moving. The measured it at 11 weeks and couldn't find a heartbeat so they concluded that she had lost it. I'm so confused though b/c it seems like it happened so fast. Friday is was moving around and everything. Anyway, they don't think she'll lose it naturally since she hadn't yet, so they scheduled her D&C for tomorrow morning. She seemed pretty sad about it and I am truly sorry it happened, but at the same time I have such mixed feelings.

I'm not happy it happened by all means, but she was just so young and I just felt so bad for her b/c she was only 15 and still a baby herself. I sorta feel like this was god's way of waking our family up and bringing us back together. I know Lindsay will grieve for a while and I really hope she doesn't try to get pregnant again, not for a few years AT LEAST.

I know I'm being selfish when I say I'm supposed to be the one to have the baby first and all like there is some order to it and again I'm not happy she lost it, but I do feel a little relief and, well, I don't know how to explain it.

It's almost like I feel like Lindsay was blessed. Like God was giving her a wake-up call or warning or something. That she can get pregnant, but she really needs to be a child before she has one to raise. Like he was giving her another chance to prove herself or something.

It's so weird b/c that makes 2 miscarriages in the last few months of 2 people very close to me. I never realized it was that common when Jennifer had hers and now my own sister has had the same thing happen. Really makes you think that prenancy in itself is truly amazing that it even happens, let alone the ups and downs you have to go through to get to that point. Wow!