I called my doctor first thing this morning to let them know that Round 3 didn't work and that I thought Dr. S wanted to refer me on now. She asked me the normal "When did you start?" Me: This morning, blah, blah, blah questions, said she'd talk to the doctor and call me back. They are good about calling back so I knew they would and I figured it would be around lunch time.
I spent the morning preparing myself for an appointment probably at the end of the year w/ the RE since he is only in town once a week, etc., etc., etc.
I got a call a little while ago saying Dr. S wanted me to do another round of clomid, but he also wants me to come in on Day 14 for an ultrasound. I started to get pissed when I heard the beginning, but was fine after I realize I was actually going to get monitored this round. So I guess I'm ok with it now.
Eric decided that I would be on bed rest the rest of this month and not talking to anyone in the family to alleviate any potential stressors with the exception of going to work. Maybe working out in the mornings will help me not eat like shit the rest of the day, too. Danialle decided I was not to eat any mexican food this month b/c it upsets our stomachs and ends up being an excuse to not BD... ha ha ha
So I guess it's game back on for at least one more month. Keep your fingers crossed for us!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
It's Over
AF graced me with her presence at 5 am this morning. Ironically today is my last VIP day w/ FF and I don't intend on continuing the VIP service. I didn't mention it yet here, but will now... August 13 offically marked our 2 year anniversary of TTC. That truly sucks and it's not the kind of anniversary I want to have, let alone celebrate. Today I get to call my doc and tell them the 3rd round of clomid did not work, so go ahead and refer me on. Lovely.
I called yesterday and set up counseling. It's a combination of grief counseling and depression counseling. I went to this place about 3 years ago and it helped, but I wasn't all that fond of my counselor, so it only lasted a few months. I found out that they have a place on the west side near my house so I'm going to that one, which means a new counselor. The only downfall is that they don't have evening hours like the other place so I have to do flex time at work. It shouldn't be too bad though. Except I will have to miss some work for the IF/RE appts, too. Oh, well, they can kiss it!
I've had a damn rough year, it can't get much worse can it?
I called yesterday and set up counseling. It's a combination of grief counseling and depression counseling. I went to this place about 3 years ago and it helped, but I wasn't all that fond of my counselor, so it only lasted a few months. I found out that they have a place on the west side near my house so I'm going to that one, which means a new counselor. The only downfall is that they don't have evening hours like the other place so I have to do flex time at work. It shouldn't be too bad though. Except I will have to miss some work for the IF/RE appts, too. Oh, well, they can kiss it!
I've had a damn rough year, it can't get much worse can it?
Monday, August 29, 2005
Wolves, drinks, and laughter
This is what our weekend was filled with. Mom didn't come up Friday night like planned. We waited around for until about 6:30 when we started becoming ravenous and I finally called her. To my surprise she answered and said she wasn't coming. She had been to her first grief session and was exhausted. We decided to go ahead and head to BW3s for dinner. After dinner we came home and Danialle arrived around 10:00. We stayed up and chatted for a bit, but were both pretty tired, so we hit the bed.
Saturday morning we got up and tried calling mom, but she wasn't answering. We finally headed to breakfast with out her. After breakfast we went home to make sure mom hadn't shown up and then headed to my sister's dorm to visit her. I won't go into detail but let's just say we surprised her a bit... :D Mom called as we left and she had over slept, but was getting ready to head up. Danialle had to go on down to C'ville for her event and we headed home to wait for mom. When mom arrive we looked through some things and was talking about going to Wolf Park when it started raining. We used the rain to have the opportunity to go through some of my brothers stuff. It was really nice to go through it finally and it gave me a little closure. He had written a couple of notes in his belongings I guess as reminders to himself, but they also were nice for us to read, too. Soon after, it stopped and cleared off and we headed to the park. It was such a nice time. We shopped around the gift store and then went on the walking tour which was about 3/4 mile or so. Our tour guide wasn't as good as last time, but he was ok. One funny part was towards the beginning of the tour this little boy was sitting on a bench next to the fence. Well this wolf went into this "stalking" stance b/c he saw the boy as dinner. The boy moved around and the wolf followed him. It was pretty funny. Obviously we were safe and he couldn't get the boy, but it was interesting to watch. We were a little bummed b/c by the time we got to the end we hadn't seen the 4 pups that were just introduced to the pack. We did see a couple of the yearlings though. But as we were walking back to the gift shop they were doing a seminar, so we went over to the beachers and there were probably 10-15 wolves (including the 4 pups) up there interacting with the workers and stuff. It was really cool and a nice ending. On the way home we called Ash and picked her up and went to eat at BW3s again. Mom & I both got a drink and we had some yummy food and interesting talks. After dinner we headed back to our house, drank some Asti and played some cards. Mom spent the night and Ash left w/ her boyfriend for the moment and we went to bed shortly thereafter.
Sunday morning we got up and let mom sleep in for a little while. I finally woke her up and we headed to breakfast. After that showed her how to get to Ash's dorm and headed home to load her car and she left for home. I took a nap for a while after mom left. I think I was just emotionally drained or something. After I got up we ran a few errands, then came home and vegged on the couch the rest of the evening.
Saturday morning we got up and tried calling mom, but she wasn't answering. We finally headed to breakfast with out her. After breakfast we went home to make sure mom hadn't shown up and then headed to my sister's dorm to visit her. I won't go into detail but let's just say we surprised her a bit... :D Mom called as we left and she had over slept, but was getting ready to head up. Danialle had to go on down to C'ville for her event and we headed home to wait for mom. When mom arrive we looked through some things and was talking about going to Wolf Park when it started raining. We used the rain to have the opportunity to go through some of my brothers stuff. It was really nice to go through it finally and it gave me a little closure. He had written a couple of notes in his belongings I guess as reminders to himself, but they also were nice for us to read, too. Soon after, it stopped and cleared off and we headed to the park. It was such a nice time. We shopped around the gift store and then went on the walking tour which was about 3/4 mile or so. Our tour guide wasn't as good as last time, but he was ok. One funny part was towards the beginning of the tour this little boy was sitting on a bench next to the fence. Well this wolf went into this "stalking" stance b/c he saw the boy as dinner. The boy moved around and the wolf followed him. It was pretty funny. Obviously we were safe and he couldn't get the boy, but it was interesting to watch. We were a little bummed b/c by the time we got to the end we hadn't seen the 4 pups that were just introduced to the pack. We did see a couple of the yearlings though. But as we were walking back to the gift shop they were doing a seminar, so we went over to the beachers and there were probably 10-15 wolves (including the 4 pups) up there interacting with the workers and stuff. It was really cool and a nice ending. On the way home we called Ash and picked her up and went to eat at BW3s again. Mom & I both got a drink and we had some yummy food and interesting talks. After dinner we headed back to our house, drank some Asti and played some cards. Mom spent the night and Ash left w/ her boyfriend for the moment and we went to bed shortly thereafter.
Sunday morning we got up and let mom sleep in for a little while. I finally woke her up and we headed to breakfast. After that showed her how to get to Ash's dorm and headed home to load her car and she left for home. I took a nap for a while after mom left. I think I was just emotionally drained or something. After I got up we ran a few errands, then came home and vegged on the couch the rest of the evening.
Friday, August 26, 2005
I seem to have gotten a little busier at work since I last posted, so thus the lack of posts. My evenings haven't been as busy, but I've just been plain lazy. Can you ever forgive me internet? hee hee
Wednesday night Eric got to play in a double header co-ed softball game. I was pretty pissed at first b/c it was basically our entire co-ed team we played with with 1 new girl and 1 new guy. And they were wearing our freaking shirts we sponsored them with. Grrr!!! They are apparently just using Eric at their convenience. All I have to say is they better not think they can call the night before and ask us to drop our plans for the next night for their asses b/c it won't happen if we have plans. We did have plans that I really wish we would have stuck to. We had planned on taking Godiva to the "Hike w/ your Hound" event at the park, which I later found out was a good time. Aw, well.
The evenings have been so nice, too. Last night I sat out side and chatted w/ my mom for quite a while. She is coming up tonight and spending a couple days with us. I've been worrying about her a lot, too. She's been crying a lot, which I told her is normal, but it's causing her to miss quite a bit of work. Thankfully they are letting her take FMLA, so she won't lose her job. Unfortunately it is unpaid. She went to the doc yesterday though and they gave her some ADs and she was supposed to call today to set up appts for grief counseling. I think it will really help her. I'm glad she's going that way and not just popping pills to ease her pain. **Update: Mom goes to her first session at 3:30 today**
So, tonight we are planning on going to BW3s for dinner and to see my sister since she's working. After that we might walk across the bridge or mosey around downtown or something. Who knows!? Danialle is coming in later this evening so we will probably sit around and chat and maybe play some cards or something. Tomorrow is breakfast somewhere cheap before Danialle heads off to C'ville. After that we are heading over to Ash's dorm life so mom can get a glimpse of the fun she has. Then tomorrow afternoon we are planning on going out to Wolf Park to check that out. I'm sure mom will enjoy that most of all. Saturday night we'll probably relax and watch some movies. At some point we need to go through some of Matt's stuff that we have in our garage, but I think we all are not looking forward to that. Then Sunday mom will be going home. I'd like to get some yard/landscape work done, but won't be too upset if I don't get around to it.
So hope all of you have a good weekend, too. Hopefully next week I'll get back to regular posts and pics from the weekend, too.
Wednesday night Eric got to play in a double header co-ed softball game. I was pretty pissed at first b/c it was basically our entire co-ed team we played with with 1 new girl and 1 new guy. And they were wearing our freaking shirts we sponsored them with. Grrr!!! They are apparently just using Eric at their convenience. All I have to say is they better not think they can call the night before and ask us to drop our plans for the next night for their asses b/c it won't happen if we have plans. We did have plans that I really wish we would have stuck to. We had planned on taking Godiva to the "Hike w/ your Hound" event at the park, which I later found out was a good time. Aw, well.
The evenings have been so nice, too. Last night I sat out side and chatted w/ my mom for quite a while. She is coming up tonight and spending a couple days with us. I've been worrying about her a lot, too. She's been crying a lot, which I told her is normal, but it's causing her to miss quite a bit of work. Thankfully they are letting her take FMLA, so she won't lose her job. Unfortunately it is unpaid. She went to the doc yesterday though and they gave her some ADs and she was supposed to call today to set up appts for grief counseling. I think it will really help her. I'm glad she's going that way and not just popping pills to ease her pain. **Update: Mom goes to her first session at 3:30 today**
So, tonight we are planning on going to BW3s for dinner and to see my sister since she's working. After that we might walk across the bridge or mosey around downtown or something. Who knows!? Danialle is coming in later this evening so we will probably sit around and chat and maybe play some cards or something. Tomorrow is breakfast somewhere cheap before Danialle heads off to C'ville. After that we are heading over to Ash's dorm life so mom can get a glimpse of the fun she has. Then tomorrow afternoon we are planning on going out to Wolf Park to check that out. I'm sure mom will enjoy that most of all. Saturday night we'll probably relax and watch some movies. At some point we need to go through some of Matt's stuff that we have in our garage, but I think we all are not looking forward to that. Then Sunday mom will be going home. I'd like to get some yard/landscape work done, but won't be too upset if I don't get around to it.
So hope all of you have a good weekend, too. Hopefully next week I'll get back to regular posts and pics from the weekend, too.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
"Life goes on, but never the same"
Someone stopped me in the hall yesterday to give his condolensces. He gave me that quote that apparently a monk gave him once. I like it.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I'm back
Wow! I haven't updated in quite a while. I've been super busy at work and by the time I get home have no desire to sit in front of the computer to update or even browse others' blogs. So, yes I wasn't updating or really reading too many of anyone elses blogs. Heck I barely caught the news. I think I'm back now though. I spent most of my lunch hour reading some blogs, but still haven't been able to comment so please forgive me.
Despite being very busy I did get a few things done in the evening that I'm proud of. First of all, my gramps made a wooden cross to put at my brother's crash site a while back. I've been neglecting it for a week or two now. I finally got some stencils and put his name and dates on it. I messed up at first, so I still have a little touch up to do and then we have to weather-proof it. I will finish it up this week though b/c my mom is coming up on Saturday and we are going to put it at the site then. I'm also hoping to come up with some fun stuff to do with her. She's having a really hard time right now and is going to go to some therapy, which I highly recommended to her, too.
Anyway, we had a pretty good weekend. On Saturday we went up to Chicago to check out Danialle's new pad, go to the Air & Water show and eat some delicious grub prepared by Chef Jamie. It was a nice day, too, which made it even better. We sat in the shade so I didn't really think about sunscreen and I did get a little pink, but it wasn't a horrible sunburn or anything. Yesterday we were pretty lazy most of the day. Ok, well, all of the day. Eric went out to get Taco*Bell for lunch and then we did go out and rent Sin*City and get pizza for dinner. That about summed it up though. I wanted to pull some weeds and do some things outside, but the couch kept me hostage. I didn't complain too much.
Today is the first day of classes for the kiddies. I've been quite busy today, but have been working on this lovely post during my spare time. In fact, it's almost time for me to go home now, so I decided I better finish it up and actually publish it. I'll try to post a little more regular this week. Oh, if you have not noticed my chart I'm on CD 25, 7 DPO and it's looking pretty nice so far. Interesting, too... I don't want to jinx it so I won't say any more. ha ha I'll try to get back to giving a few comments later this week, too. Forgive me!
Despite being very busy I did get a few things done in the evening that I'm proud of. First of all, my gramps made a wooden cross to put at my brother's crash site a while back. I've been neglecting it for a week or two now. I finally got some stencils and put his name and dates on it. I messed up at first, so I still have a little touch up to do and then we have to weather-proof it. I will finish it up this week though b/c my mom is coming up on Saturday and we are going to put it at the site then. I'm also hoping to come up with some fun stuff to do with her. She's having a really hard time right now and is going to go to some therapy, which I highly recommended to her, too.
Anyway, we had a pretty good weekend. On Saturday we went up to Chicago to check out Danialle's new pad, go to the Air & Water show and eat some delicious grub prepared by Chef Jamie. It was a nice day, too, which made it even better. We sat in the shade so I didn't really think about sunscreen and I did get a little pink, but it wasn't a horrible sunburn or anything. Yesterday we were pretty lazy most of the day. Ok, well, all of the day. Eric went out to get Taco*Bell for lunch and then we did go out and rent Sin*City and get pizza for dinner. That about summed it up though. I wanted to pull some weeds and do some things outside, but the couch kept me hostage. I didn't complain too much.
Today is the first day of classes for the kiddies. I've been quite busy today, but have been working on this lovely post during my spare time. In fact, it's almost time for me to go home now, so I decided I better finish it up and actually publish it. I'll try to post a little more regular this week. Oh, if you have not noticed my chart I'm on CD 25, 7 DPO and it's looking pretty nice so far. Interesting, too... I don't want to jinx it so I won't say any more. ha ha I'll try to get back to giving a few comments later this week, too. Forgive me!
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Happy Birthday Danialle!
Everyone go over and wish her a Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Dear Danialle!
Happy Birthday to you!
I love and miss you! Can't wait to see you this weekend!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Dear Danialle!
Happy Birthday to you!
I love and miss you! Can't wait to see you this weekend!
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Where am I?
Well, I had sort of a down weekend and didn't do a whole lot. Work this week and for the next 2-3 weeks is a really busy time for me, so I will only be updating periodically as time permits. Why can't I update at home? Well, I could, but we have been busy in the evenings and weekends, too and I haven't had a ton of motivation when we aren't busy.
Ok, so my weekend went like so... Friday after work we headed to this new place (for us) Boiler*Market and got pizza to go. We had heard that their pizza was great so we thought we'd try. Eric got cheese & I got Margherita and we got some breadsticks. The pizza was quite yummy and not majorly greasy either. While eating our pizza we watched Coach*Carter, which was a good movie. I've been battling headaches for the last week so I went to bed shortly after that.
Saturday we got up and I cleaned the house. Originally my grandparents were going to come up and help Eric work on the bathroom tub. It needs some new drywall and re-cocked. Well, something came up with them, so they postponed. I ended up going with my sister to get some supplies for when she starts college in a few weeks. It was quite fun having a little girl time and wondering around picking up stuff. I even splurged on a few things myself for a little pampering. Speaking of, have you tried the new Oil*of*Olay*Moisturinse*Lotion? You put it on in the shower, then rinse it off and it's suppose to moisturize your body. I have used it a couple of days and it seems nice and it definitely smells good. I bought the "senstive skin" one and so far it isn't breaking me out, so I think I'll try using it every day and see how it goes. After we got back home Ash left for work and Eric & I tried to figure out what we were going to do. I was in a weird mood and just felt like wondering around. We went to Meijer* and wondered around there for a while then headed over to play putt-putt. However, they only take cash and we didn't want to go to the ATM and back, so we just headed to BW3*s for dinner. Then we came home, watched a little TV and hit the bed.
Sunday was a big day. We got up early and got ready and took Godiva to the softball field near our home. I had made a play date w/ a lady I know at work and her yellow lab and they had a blast. They ran pretty hard for about 30 minutes and then were exhausted, so we didn't play too long. It's funny how Godiva picks things up from other dogs. We brought her tennis ball and a frisbee. She wouldn't go near the frisbee, but Suni (the yellow lab) was playing with it. After we got home, she was quite interested in it and carried it around and chewed on it. Anyway, we left our house again around 11 and headed to C'ville. We stopped by my brother's grave for a little while. It was the first time I'd been there since he was buried. It sucks that we can't visit him very often, but I will every single time I go home. After that we went to visit my mom for a little while. Then headed to my sister's other house for a going away luncheon. It was quite fun b/c they live on 65 acres and they were shooting guns at clay pigeons. I didn't shoot, but the guys had a blast. Later they decided to start shooting at coke cans and water bottles. We were both pretty exhausted from the day by the time we got home, so we had a relaxing evening on the couch for the most part and went to bed early.
Ok, so my weekend went like so... Friday after work we headed to this new place (for us) Boiler*Market and got pizza to go. We had heard that their pizza was great so we thought we'd try. Eric got cheese & I got Margherita and we got some breadsticks. The pizza was quite yummy and not majorly greasy either. While eating our pizza we watched Coach*Carter, which was a good movie. I've been battling headaches for the last week so I went to bed shortly after that.
Saturday we got up and I cleaned the house. Originally my grandparents were going to come up and help Eric work on the bathroom tub. It needs some new drywall and re-cocked. Well, something came up with them, so they postponed. I ended up going with my sister to get some supplies for when she starts college in a few weeks. It was quite fun having a little girl time and wondering around picking up stuff. I even splurged on a few things myself for a little pampering. Speaking of, have you tried the new Oil*of*Olay*Moisturinse*Lotion? You put it on in the shower, then rinse it off and it's suppose to moisturize your body. I have used it a couple of days and it seems nice and it definitely smells good. I bought the "senstive skin" one and so far it isn't breaking me out, so I think I'll try using it every day and see how it goes. After we got back home Ash left for work and Eric & I tried to figure out what we were going to do. I was in a weird mood and just felt like wondering around. We went to Meijer* and wondered around there for a while then headed over to play putt-putt. However, they only take cash and we didn't want to go to the ATM and back, so we just headed to BW3*s for dinner. Then we came home, watched a little TV and hit the bed.
Sunday was a big day. We got up early and got ready and took Godiva to the softball field near our home. I had made a play date w/ a lady I know at work and her yellow lab and they had a blast. They ran pretty hard for about 30 minutes and then were exhausted, so we didn't play too long. It's funny how Godiva picks things up from other dogs. We brought her tennis ball and a frisbee. She wouldn't go near the frisbee, but Suni (the yellow lab) was playing with it. After we got home, she was quite interested in it and carried it around and chewed on it. Anyway, we left our house again around 11 and headed to C'ville. We stopped by my brother's grave for a little while. It was the first time I'd been there since he was buried. It sucks that we can't visit him very often, but I will every single time I go home. After that we went to visit my mom for a little while. Then headed to my sister's other house for a going away luncheon. It was quite fun b/c they live on 65 acres and they were shooting guns at clay pigeons. I didn't shoot, but the guys had a blast. Later they decided to start shooting at coke cans and water bottles. We were both pretty exhausted from the day by the time we got home, so we had a relaxing evening on the couch for the most part and went to bed early.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Working Hard or Hardly Working?
That is the million dollar question today.
Personally I did a few things "work-related" this morning. However late morning I started working on the new tattoo I'm going to get REAL soon. See, after my brother died I told Eric I wanted to get a tattoo w/ something to do w/ Matt. Eric came up w/ getting the same tattoo as my brother, but putting his name and the "dates" on it, too. I thought this was a splendid idea. I called my mom to tell her and she had already thought of the same thing, but hadn't said anything, so we decided to get matching ones. Mom finally sent me a copy of the pic she took of matt's photo and w/ the help of creative Mistressfoy have come up with an AWESOME looking tat! I'm not going to talk about the actual design here, but will post a pic after we get inked in mid-Sept.
Personally I did a few things "work-related" this morning. However late morning I started working on the new tattoo I'm going to get REAL soon. See, after my brother died I told Eric I wanted to get a tattoo w/ something to do w/ Matt. Eric came up w/ getting the same tattoo as my brother, but putting his name and the "dates" on it, too. I thought this was a splendid idea. I called my mom to tell her and she had already thought of the same thing, but hadn't said anything, so we decided to get matching ones. Mom finally sent me a copy of the pic she took of matt's photo and w/ the help of creative Mistressfoy have come up with an AWESOME looking tat! I'm not going to talk about the actual design here, but will post a pic after we get inked in mid-Sept.
Clomid Cycle #3
So I officially started my third and final clomid cycle. At least before my OB/GYN refers me on to a RE. I started popping the pills yesterday. Woohoo! That's about all I have to say about that right now. :D
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Ascension by Colleen Hitchcock
I happened upon this poem this morning and thought I'd share. It really brings a smile to my face and warm feeling to my heart!
Ascension
by Colleen Hitchcock
And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.
Used with Author's Permission. Ascension ©1987 by Colleen Corah Hitchcock,
P. O. Box 390082, Edina, MN 55439 www.colleenhitchcock.com
Eric told me last night that he's worried about me b/c I haven't grieved. I think I am still grieving. I may not break down and lose it, but I am grieving in my own way. Everyone grieves differently. I talk to Matt every single day several times a day. I wear the "donate life" bracelet always and every time it catches my eye I think of Matt. And sometimes I find myself touching it or rubbing it and it makes me feel closer to Matt.
Ascension
by Colleen Hitchcock
And if I go,
while you're still here...
Know that I live on,
vibrating to a different measure
--behind a thin veil you cannot see through.
You will not see me,
so you must have faith.
I wait for the time when we can soar together again,
--both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest.
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
...I will be there.
Used with Author's Permission. Ascension ©1987 by Colleen Corah Hitchcock,
P. O. Box 390082, Edina, MN 55439 www.colleenhitchcock.com
Eric told me last night that he's worried about me b/c I haven't grieved. I think I am still grieving. I may not break down and lose it, but I am grieving in my own way. Everyone grieves differently. I talk to Matt every single day several times a day. I wear the "donate life" bracelet always and every time it catches my eye I think of Matt. And sometimes I find myself touching it or rubbing it and it makes me feel closer to Matt.
Monday, August 01, 2005
Verdict In
I called the doc's office this morning and explained that Cycle 2 of clomid did not work, but that my brother had been killed in a car accident around the time I ovulated, so it might be related to the stress and I would really like to try one more round before he refers me on. She gave her condolences and said she would talk to the doc and call me back. They just called back and said he'd call in another round. Woohoo! I get to start that on Wednesday.
CD 1 - Revised
Apparently I was only spotting a little bit last night. It hit me like a ton of bricks about 4:00 this morning, so today is my first official cycle day. Even better. That's how I started July, might as well start August the same way. Ugh!
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