And so it begins...

A new year, a new life, a new body, a new attitude...

2004 was a tough year for us. I had several bouts of depression for starters. I was trying to repair a relationship with my mom, which is depressing in itself. :) It has it ups and downs and I let it get the best of me sometimes. I started controlling the situation around Christmas and hope to be able to control situations as much as I can in the future. Yes, I know some things are out of my control and those things I have to not let bother me and get me down.

Another tough one as you know from reading this blog is our not getting pregnant. Where do I begin with this one??? It was even more tough when others around us were/are getting pregnant. I had one sister (15 yrs old) who was pregnant late 03, miscarry in 04. Then, Jennifer & Samara got pregnant. I'm super happy for both of them. Then I found out K is pregnant. That was really a punch to the gut. Its even tougher every time I'm around her. I've just got to accept it and move on and I'm getting there. Really, I am. We have taken a break from trying and will continue to break for a little while longer and it really has been good for us.

I am at the heaviest I've been in my entire life. That makes me sad. I know I have done nothing to help it. I can blame some of it on the depression, TTC, etc. but in reality I have to make the choice to get in shape. Thankfully my husband is finally with me on this one. We joined a gym right before Christmas and started practicing last week. Figuring out our workout routine, weights, cardio, etc. We fought at first b/c I was in the BFL mentality and Eric was out to kill himself and I thought kill me, too. :) So, we met with a trainer who got us both on the right track and routine. We really only do cardio together, but that's ok. We still motivate each other to go 6 days a week. I hope to get back down to 130-ish pounds and a size 7/8. That's my goal right now. I have a pear body shape, so I will really struggle with my workout, but so far I've done it twice and it's not too bad except for the damn lunges. YUCK! They suck! But as my trainer said, that's the best way to work your butt... Guess he would know since he's a "trainer"... I just have to suck it up and do them! Today was our first real day of working out and it was great. What else can I say?

I feel like this is going to be a great year. At least I hope. I want to have a positive attitude and things will go our way. At least they better. :) I don't expect anything to change over night. I know they won't, but at least I have the motivation now to take steps to make my life better.