Therapy #8

Hard to believe I've been eight times now. I was dreading going yesterday, but actually felt a little better after I left. I told her about my uncle dying and how only 2 months ago I had had the dream that he died. And how it brought up a lot of my feelings about Matt again. She said I was having grief bursts. Apparently they are pretty common. I told her I had been having several dreams recently. So far in the last 2 weeks I've had 2 dreams related to violence and war. They were on the nightmare verge, but not completely a nightmare. Plus I had a dream that my youngest sister totally my mom's car and was in the hospital. I've had freakish dreams for a while now, but not on a regular basis at least. Again she thinks everything that is going on in my life right now is causing these grief bursts and stem back to my brother's death.

We talked a lot about the holidays and how I'm dreading them. One b/c of the death in my family. I have 2 sides with death to deal with instead of just 1. Also I am dreading Thanksgiving w/ my mom's side. I have to try to distance myself from my mom and aunt b/c they drive my crazy and make me very uneasy and on edge. She said to do things like sit in a different room or busy myself w/ cousins or gramps or Eric. I know I can do it, but damn if my aunt's house isn't small and that makes it more difficult. She said I should try not dreading them, but look forward to spending time with those I don't see as often and enjoy being around. That sounds like a good idea.

We only touched on the IF stuff. She agreed that I should fight about the testings b/c they had definitely not ruled everything out.

I go back right after thanksgiving, so it should be interesting to see how the holidays went from her perspective.