- Went to see my uncle John last night. He's even worse than Sunday, not surpisingly. His mind is still pretty sharp, but damn if his body isn't failing him. He is filling up w/ toxins from not having dialysis. When we got there I asked him how he was doing and he said he was dead. How do you respond to that, when you know he's so close?
- He broke down when we left and it broke my heart.
- We are going back down tonight if he makes it that long. We told him this before he left and he kept shaking his head.
- My sister called at 5:40 AM this morning. (I don't get up til 6:00 am) to tell us she went to the hospital and has pleurisy. Lovely.
- I miss my brother so much.
- I'm still confused and depressed about IF.
- I'm tired.
- Eric is going on a business trip in December, so we'll have to rent a car for me since we only have one car. He said I could take it off, but it would be w/out pay. Ugh! However, I think I might take him up on it if I don't get out of this funk. Maybe make my sis run me around one day and do Christmas shopping. We'll see.
- Eric is sick and keep hacking crap up. It makes me gag, but I know he can't help it.
- Work should be picking up, however the lady who "doesn't acknowledge Halloween" has been quite busy and I haven't offered once to help her out. I'd rather stare into space for 8 hours. :D Of course reality is I surf the web for 7.5 hours. :D
- We have a lot going on in Nov & Dec. More than our usual holiday festivities. I guess it's ok though b/c it will keep us busy.
- I'm SOOOOO ready to start putting Christmas decorations up and cut down our tree. I want to smell that pine scent every morning when I get up and every evening when I get home.
- My dreams are weird again. I've had 2 that were very violent and war-type and 1 where my mom called and said my youngest sister had totalled her (my mom's) car and was in the hospital. I am supposed to be keeping a dream journal, but haven't put these in it yet.
- My newest addiction is myspace.com and friendster.com.
- I gotta get out of this funk. I think its more than the normal holiday funk.
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3 comments:
Take care of yourself sweetie. You know these holiday months always seem to be rough for you. Maybe try to think of something fun to do or treat yourself to a massage or facial. Just try to do something for yourself if it gets too bad.
I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Please take care of yourself. I wish there was something I could do to alleviate the feeling of despair.
Thinking of you.
me - It is very hard to see my uncle in his final days. We are definitely shooting for Thanksgiving for our decorations, too. I'm sure we'll spend that weekend doing everything. I agree it's torture. I guess buying stuff to add this year passes the time a bit...
Jennifer - Yea, the holidays are rough, but this year is by far the worst. (Come on Jan. 1) Eric read my blog and decided to take me out to lunch today. We stopped at Borders and bought "The Infertility Survival Handbook", so I'm anxious to read that. I've heard mixed reviews.
April - Thanks for thinking of me. You are going through a crazy time, too and I'm thinking of you, too!
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