I had a really bad day yesterday, but I think I'm better today (after MUCH venting). I got up yesterday morning and my temp went down, so what do I do? Go ahead and test. Why not start the day off right, eh? So, you guess it, it was NEGATIVE. No surprise there since my temp went down. I had my hope up really high this month. I've been feeling better stress-wise since going to therapy, got the hcG shot, got a massage on Friday, and my gramps blessed me. I thought for sure this time would be it. Don't even say, "Well, you haven't started yet" or any of that stupid shit, b/c I know I'm just waiting on AF to actually arrive. My bbs are losing their soreness and I'm a crabass. NO DOUBT about that. I felt very hopeless yesterday and mentioned to Eric that I didn't know how much more of this I could take. He basically said finish the next 2 cycles of clomid and then take a break. TAKE A BREAK? That basically set me off and we argued before I got to work, which always makes me quite enjoyable at work to say the least. I had some lame ass meeting in the morning and I spent the rest of the day in a daze it seemed.
After I got off work Eric & I went on a 5 mile bike ride and I felt better. I was not in the cooking mood so we hit BW3s for dinner came home and I tried reading, but ended up falling asleep w/ Godiva cuddling my head and Kodi cuddling my feet.
Tonight I'm going to go home and make dinner. Then my sister is going to come over and color my hair in preparation for my big cut next week w/ Pete the Hair God!
I don't want to offend anyone by what I'm about to say, so please understand where I am coming from. I've read on many IF blogs about ladies who just can't read blogs after they turn into pregnancy/baby blogs. I never really had a problem until the last month or two. It has been extremely difficult for some reason. I don't know if this IF shit is all starting to really settle in and take a toll on me or what. I believe that is what is happening though. So, please if I happen to remove you from my sidebar, please don't take offense. I will periodically lurk and make sure things are still ok, but just know that it is extremely difficult to read every day. Also, know that I truly am VERY happy for you!
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2 comments:
I'm so sorry about the bad news, and I totally understand where you're coming from. I try to reassure myself with the whole "one step at a time" mantra, and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt'.
Crap, I know that "it's over this cycle" feeling and you can generally trust your gut. Sad to hear that this cycle seems a bust. Surround yourself with warm fuzzy things. Sending you a few cheesy internet hugs.
You can remove me anytime chica and there will be no hard feelings. I know it's difficult to read about other women being pg. Some days it just hurts beyond belief. If you use a sub service like bloglines you can separate the ladies "in the trenches" from the "on the way" etc. then on the days you want to read them you can but you can shelter yourself from the painful reads on the days you need it.
This infertility crap is really hard and no one is gonna fault you for protecting yourself.
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