Therapy #2

My therapy session this time was a little rougher. We talked about how my week was for the first half or so. I proudly told her I had gotten somewhat stronger w/ my mom. Basically when she tried to talk to me like I was her therapist, I've been listening and letting her know I'm listening, but instead of taking it on myself, I've been telling her that she needs to write X down and talk to her therapist about it. I've been telling her that I'm hurting too for the loss of my brother. It's different than her loss, but it's still a loss and it still hurts. She doesn't like her therapist very well, so I've been telling her she's wasting her time staying that she needs to either see someone else at that particular practice or go to someone else. I hope she listens. My therapist agreed w/ the therapy part and was surprised that I had said as much as I did to my mom. I don't think she realizes how strong I am once someone tells me what to say so to speak and lets me know that it's OK to say it.

I came up with three major goals that I'm not going to put here, but will say that by working on 2 of them the other should fall into place. We talked about my marriage and overall its great, but I have some problems with my emotions (or lack there of) and expressing them. She thinks it stems back from my childhood especially with the "attempted rape" I talked about back in May. I have them shield I put up so no one hurts me and even though I know Eric won't hurt me, I don't know how to put the shield down. So for my next appointment I'm supposed to write a hate letter to R and bring it with me. I'm supposed to let all of those angry, hatred emotions come out in this letter and write away. She wants it to be as if I would be mailing it to him, but I won't be. I'm not looking forward to this at all, but know I have to do it and have it done by Friday afternoon.

Ugh. Wish me luck!