Therapy #3

Today's session was sorta dull. I finished my hate letter last night late, but it felt good afterwards. I wanted to mail it right away, but she had told me not to so I just put it away to save for the session. At first we just talked about my week, which had been pretty crazy. We talked about some family issues that came up and how I handled them and especially about the doctor's appointment. I told her even though I was happy they gave me the hCG shot, it made me very anxious b/c I was not aware of it ahead of time.

Next came the letter. I read the letter to her and she said it wasn't as hateful as she expected or had heard before. I explained to her that I wasn't angry anymore b/c that was my major focus 3 yrs. ago in therapy. She still thinks I need to forgive him, but I said he doesn't deserve it. She thinks that is the only way I will feel free of him, but I disagree. I have forgiven myself and have lightened my anger and have went on with my life just fine. So I'm supposed to think about this forgiveness thing. She thinks I may just not be ready for it.

Finally for some reason she started talking about my anger and how it relates in a bell curve 0-10-0. 5-10 on each side being the danger zones. She was trying to figure out how I handle situations that make me angry and making sure I wasn't stayin around the 4-5 area on the verge of the danger zone. Honestly, I don't really understand where this came from and/or why we talked about it. I guess I'm supposed to make sure when things make me mad I'm supposed to get myself back down to zero so things don't set me off as fast.

I hope next session is better. I was a little disappointed in this one.